Lindsay Lohan goes to Jail

Lindsay Lohan started her 90 day jail sentence yesterday but is expected to serve only 14 days as she is considered a ‘non-violent’offender’, also she is a celebrity and has fantastic breasts, which apparently counts for more than you would think.

Looks like she may be out in time for the release of Machete, which may actually save her up to this point, mostly failing career.

Soon, she will be back wearing designer outfits but until then she will be wearing the more basic, casual orange ensemble which is all the rage in prisons.

Lindsay of course has been encouraged to keep a diary which will help with her rehabilitation and in a Bowl Philosophy exclusive, we present to you, her first day:

20 July 2010 – Day 1

Dear Diary

So, i am in my own cell now and finally have some time to write in my diary.

It is like super small in here and i am not even sure i will have enough space to be able to do my yoga. i am sure they made a mistake because there is no door for the toilet. also there is like only one pillow and no comforter. I dont think this room is actually ready for me.

I will ask the guards to check and if there are any bigger cells available.

I was really scared when i got here but the people i have seen so far have been really super friendly, especially the girl opposite my cell who said she would take good care of me, which is like so awesome of her.

Some people find girls covered in tattoos scary but i think it is like very cool. I bet every one of her tattoos has a story, like the one “rich bitches must die”.

I was told i had to be strip searched when i arrived and i was really worried about that, thankfully i have been naked in front of a room full of strangers many times before.

The guards seemed surprised when i asked for some Chris Brown music to strip to and then told me that there was no music.

I had never stripped without music, so got more nervous but when u are an actress you sometimes have to do what you can. so i pretended to be Demi Moore in Striptease and i think the guards enjoyed it as they were smiling and taking photos by the end.

when i first got to my cell, i asked where my computer was and they said i dont get one. i cant believe it. i dont have a cell phone in here either. i was not sure how i was going to tweet to all my fans but then the girl next door said if i tell her all my account details she will make sure i am sorted out. She said we can chat more about it when we go shower, such a sweet heart.

i told her to start a facebook campaign to get me out of here, so i am sure it is just a matter of a day or 2 before i get to leave.

OMG the food here is awful and like they totally have forgotten that i am a vegan. I am sure my human rights are being violated!

I am going to try to get some sleep now as i think there was like a power failure as the lights have gone off and it is only 10pm!

I am totally sure tomorrow my facebook campaign will have worked and i can leave.

good night dear diary.

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~ by bowlphilosophy on July 21, 2010.

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